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  • Writer's picturemia jett

Invisible Illness

Updated: Sep 14, 2023

You often hear people say things about illnesses that aren't seen with the eyes, I realized a few years ago that I was one who never thought about people fighting illnesses that aren't obvious. Even with mental illness, l hate to admit, but I guess I always thought that you could just tell by looking at people that something just wasn't right with them. I was so wrong, whether it be, mental illness, chronic pain, and so many other conditions that aren't visible to the eye, just about everyone you run into daily are fighting some sort of battle we know nothing about.

I can elaborate on a few things that I personally deal with, such as chronic pain, I have had 2 spinal surgeries totaling four fusions in my back. I have constant pain in my left arm, shoulder and my neck, due to me needing a spinal fusion below where my first two cervical fusions were done. With the ones above it being fused and having metal cages around them has weakened the level below it.

Two months ago I had my second spinal fusion two levels done on my lower back. I have constant pain down my right leg still. I went for a MRI the Dr. called me Friday I have to go for another MRI this time with contrast because he seen some "concerning" things on the first one. I have no idea what it could be, they would not elaborate on the phone, but it will be a week and a half before I go to get it done and then probably a week after that to find out the results. No one can tell though that I walk around in pain daily, I am not prescribed pain pills, and I don't ask to be, I am a recovering drug addict.

Then there is the invisible illnesses with mental health. I don't know why I always thought things like bipolar, schizoaffective disorder, depression, for some reason I always thought even those things made people have a "certain" look that would give it away. These feelings and thoughts kept me trapped for a long time inside of my home, afraid of the story my face would tell everyone, I am always afraid that people can read me like an open book, that they know every crazy thought that I have. that they know every bad choice that I have made.

I usually end up being a doormat for people, l will always try to make those happy around me, and I think it's because I feed off of others energy really bad, l hate for anyone to be upset or angry and will do anything I can to make it better for them, even if that means giving up something for myself. I hate conflict, I have really bad anxiety if I feel there might be the slightest bit of conflict.

I usually keep my opinion to myself unless asked, and even then at times I stay out of it unless it is something I believe strongly in and have knowledge about. I also don't seem to have a problem standing up for anyone else. but I often lack standing up for myself. I don't think a lot of people understand just how debilitating mental illness can be.

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