This past year I have been learning how to let things go that I cannot change, just accept things for what they are and move on. I also have been trying to learn more about myself and how my mental health affects not only me but those around me. It is a good feeling to finally figure out who I am as a person. I have also been trying to not focus on the bad of a situation, but how I can turn something bad into a more positive thing.
Do I ever feel like I can't catch a break, yes I do almost daily something happens that I ask myself why things can't just go right for once. I sometimes look over all the little things that I am blessed with daily, and get stuck on everything that seems to be going wrong. I often ask God why as I think most of us do, sometimes the why is answered for us quickly, and some things we may not ever find out the why. We just have to believe that His plan is far greater than ours.
Between Boulder, Colorado and where I live now in Missouri, I have been on lists for housing four years. I kept getting lost in the shuffle in Colorado because of people switching jobs or because of the different workers they had for their homeless outreach kept changing, seemed with every change I was always in the group that ended up honestly lost in the shuffle of the paperwork. Here in Missouri I am getting right in on the lists and have even been the next one up to be housed on three of the different housing they offer by me, all three I have been turned down because of an eviction I had nine years ago. Apparently they go back 10 years.
Besides the housing thing the other big struggle I am having is getting my disability, it is very obvious I need it, not only do I have physical sickness, I also struggle with many different mental health issues that probably wouldn't be so bad if it was a few, but my list goes on and on, and everything combined into one is more than anyone could really handle I think. I am not sure why it is that housing or disability seems to be going in my favor, I keep telling myself that there must be some reasoning behind it all. I know that it's God's plan not mine, but I don't understand why suffering over these matters has to go on, why can't I just get through these and then given a different fight to get through.
I am so thankful that I don't look at things going wrong, or what I perceive as going wrong and get angry anymore. I do question the "why" on occasion, but I always know that whatever is happening is a reminder of how God always has a plan, just have faith His work needs to shine so that other people see what He does for me, and can do for them if they will just let Him work in their lives too.
