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  • Writer's picturemia jett

Self Medicating Through Drug Addiction

Updated: Aug 4, 2023

I had already found myself battling a drug addiction before I was diagnosed with anything besides depression. I had turned to drugs to put my mind someplace other than what was really going on inside of me. I was against mental health medications because I thought I should be strong enough to get myself out of this dark place I was in. I had lost my dad at the age of 23, and it really took a toll on me. After I lost my dad was the first time I had tried any sort of drugs other than smoking marijuana. One day hanging out with some friends I decided to try methamphetamines, I decided that was the answer. I could use and be in a completely different place in my mind, I wouldn't think of any if the things that kept me down and depressed. I thought it was great, I went from not wanting to get out f bed to never sleeping, I could do so many things. I did not see how it was actually pulling me away from everything I loved and cared for. How I was no longer ever really there in the moment. Instead of taking prescription medications that I thought just made me like a zombie, I needed the drugs to get me up and doing things. I couldn't have been more wrong.

To this day I can't really tell you the control drugs began to have over everything in your life, I have battled with addiction for about 15 years now and I still can't say how it got such a hold over me. I can however tell you though that I have lost my kids 3 times because of it. I would always do what I had to do to get them back but once I started ignoring my mental health and quit taking my meds it wouldn't be too long before I would start self medicating again. I would sit and cry while using begging God to just take it all from me, that I didn't want to lose my family yet once again, and yet I would still use. I was caught in this vicious cycle and I didn't know how to stop it. I stay on top of my medications today because I truly do not want to start that cycle again. Its already a daily decision to not reach out to people of my past who I know I honestly shouldn't be around because of the life struggles I battle everyday it would be so easy to just self medicate. I live alone so what would I have to lose? I actually have a lot to lose, I have my sobriety, my kids, grandkids, my mom and stepdad, I have a lot I have worked for. It's hard to find the right combination of mental health meds, I have heard many stories including myself of people getting mental health meds changed around all the time. It is for that reason I think so many people turn to self medicating, getting drunk or high is a cure all it seems.....but is it?

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