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  • Writer's picturemia jett

Who Am I Anyway

Updated: Aug 4, 2023

Something I have asked myself many times, as I struggle with mental illness. I was first just diagnosed with depression in my teenage years, although I a lot more going on in my brain than just depression I was afraid of being honest, for fear of what might happen. Would they lock me away forever? It wasn't until I was in my 30's and met Louis, my now husband, that I ever really went to a therapist and was honest about what was going on with me. I had found myself a few years prior in a bad drug addiction. It was once I acknowledged that, I knew I wouldn't get any better if I didn't get to the root of the drug addiction. Looking deep inside myself to figure out what was I trying to escape by using drugs. I found a number of things I was trying to escape from. It was here that my journey really began with my mental health, and the struggle of beating addiction.

I had a few addicts in my family, but mental health was something that was not really talked about. I suffered from depression as a teen and at one time had taken some pills to try and end my life. After taking them I got scared and woke my mom up, she took me to the er where they found me a mental hospital to go to for some help. I didn't really want to die, I just wanted all the craziness in my head to stop, and I didn't know how to do that without people thinking I was crazy and they would just lock me up forever.

I became a mom at 19, and that really made me hold back on mental health help afraid they would take my baby away from me. I now at 47 years old realize my mental health played a bigger part of my life than I was aware of. I had trouble at school, I always had trouble keeping a job, even now I have trouble going out into public. Sometimes even going around family. Everyday is a struggle of some sort for me. Mostly with mental health. My diagnosis are bipolar 1, panic, anxiety, ptsd, schizzoaffective and borderline personality disorder. It is a living hell!!

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