When I started on my journey of finding who I really am underneath my diagnosis, I felt that many people didn't really know the real me because everything was masked by the challenges of mental health. I also found that people assume everyone with the same diagnosis is the same. That couldn't be farther from the truth. Mental health affects many people a number of different ways. When I share with others my diagnosis a lot of times they put me into this category in their mind with others they may know who suffers from the same conditions, they assume we are all struggling in the same ways, that really couldn't be farther from the truth. I am sure some things are very similar but I don't feel two people are identical. I also feel like that is why it is so hard to
find medications to work. They have us categorized by diagnosis along with a list of medications for that diagnosis. What may work for some may not for others, and people like myself who have multiple diagnosis' I feel they treat the one that's easiest and think we should be able to function normal. For example, I have multiple diagnosis, the hardest ones for me on a daily basis is anxiety, bipolar and my schizoaffective, but for the longest time I was given antidepressants, granted I do get depressed but most of the time it stems from feeling like no one really gets what it's like living inside my head. When I have hallucinations both auditory and visual why not treat that instead of how it all in turn makes me feel.
I recently moved from Colorado to Missouri because my husband went to prison and I was alone and homeless. I had 2 sons in Colorado but they both had families of their own and while one I was able to stay with for a little bit, it wasn't a permanent situation. I started a go fund me and raised the money to get me and my rv here. My mom, stepdad and 2 other sons live where I am now. I was very scared about moving, it had been atleast 15 years since I had lived close to any of them. They really didn't know me anymore. They only seen the "normal" side of me in text messages or on my few little visits I made here while living in Colorado. I worried that no one would understand who I really am inside with all this mental stuff going on. Well honestly I was more than scared, I was terrified they wouldn't understand who I really was. It wasn't until recently that I realized me feeling that way I was letting my mental illness define me. When I meet people they have no idea that I suffer from mental illness, unless it is just a really horrible day for me, but then I usually keep to myself and don't leave my rv. My illness isn't seen from the outside, it's inside and something that most of us battle all alone. Even if someone is beside us holding our hands, we are alone. When people say "it's much easier to pretend to be ok rather than trying to explain why we aren't ok" I totally get it.
Comments