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  • Writer's picturemia jett

Here I Go Again

Updated: Aug 4, 2023

I certainly am no stranger to the cycles of mental health problems, although I sometimes don't understand why it's happening. I have found myself spiraling down the deep hole of depression, I have really been trying to dig myself out before it gets too bad. There is a lot of things going on in my life that I guess is contributing to it all. I don't understand it all why it has me so down and some of it I get.

I guess it is just hard because I am around family and have lots of support, yet I just can't seem to pull myself out of this hole just yet. I know some of my problem is due to the spine surgery I just had I haven't been able to go to therapy for a few weeks, but then again, the therapist I have now really doesn't do me much good in my opinion, now has me second guessing because of the way I am feeling since not being able to go. I also feel like since having surgery I have been a little more isolated than I had been.

I am really trying hard to get out of this rut I seem to be in. Everything is just hard for me right now. I am an empath big time and people I care about tremendously are going through some really hard times and that takes a toll on me too. I am such an empath that my last therapist wanted me to limit myself to reading or watching the news to 30 minutes a day. I find myself letting things bother me more so it seems than the person or people it's happening to. I find myself feeling the way I imagine they are feeling, and I am still letting things bother me long after they are. I wish everyday that I could take the hurt and pain away for those I love most. I feel that way towards strangers too, I just don't have much interaction anymore with strangers.

I have found myself saying God always turns something we feel is bad or unfair into something beautiful. Sometimes I just fear of not only myself but others giving up before they see the beauty God is creating. I have also found myself questioning have I ever really been ok, or have I just been good at pretending and then it all catches up to me and I end up in this spiraling depression.

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