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  • Writer's picturemia jett

Riding the Storm Out

Updated: Aug 4, 2023

It has been three weeks today since having my second spine surgery. This is my second one, three years ago I had my C5 and C6 done. This time it was my lumbar spine, I believe my L5-S1 is what they called it. Surgery went well, I was in the hospital from Wednesday until Saturday. I had quite a bit of pain while in the hospital, and also a few really hard days after coming home. I stayed at my son and daughter in laws house from Saturday until Wednesday. Michael and Preston got a ramp for me to be able to get into the rv so I could come home.

While things seem to be getting a little better everyday as far as physical wise after my surgery, I seem to be going further into a depression. I try to make myself get up everyday and do things I can do, such as even blogging, but I find myself having a hard time doing it. I find myself turning out the lights and laying back down. I can honestly say it has been awhile since I have found myself so down. I remind myself of everything good in my life and how things were for me not even a year ago. So much has changed for me since October, yet I am struggling to see the light right now.

I know some of it is because I am just tired of the constant struggle, and at times I can remind myself this is all just temporary. As long as I keep putting one foot in front of the other it's going to pay off. I just feel like at this point it's been fourty-eight years of struggle, how much more must I endure just to have some security in my life. I have been fighting for my disability for almost four years, I am thankful to not be on the street anymore, but at times living in the rv I live in being on the street would almost be easier.

What I hate even more is that it's not just about giving me security but about my kids and grandkids having some kind of security. I don't want to be rich and have fancy things, I want to be able to have a normal place to live, so that I can work on building a ministry to reach out to the homeless and the addicts, along with those who suffer from mental health issues that keep them in a dark place where they are afraid to let the world see who they really are. I want to have a little place I can make and sell pallet furniture and crafts and jewelry that I make, I want to make clothes and costumes and just do these things on the side so that in doing so I can spread some love into the world like my heart and soul yearns to do.

My family and I are trying to find a big piece of property that we could all go in on together to make things a little more affordable for all of us. Also enough that we can all have our own spaces and have room to grow our own food and raise our own cattle and such for food. I can't keep in this place I am finding myself I am in right now if I am going to do my part in trying to help us as a family figure this out. Yet it is as if my mind has just switched itself off and I am getting lost in the mindset that why have these dreams...because none of it will ever happen. All I know to do is keep praying while riding this storm out.

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