The past couple of weeks have been very trying for me to say the least. I have joined a few support groups for people with bipolar and have learned a lot from them. Looking back and reflecting on many things throughout my life things make more and more sense. It also makes me wish I had gotten help earlier in my life. Maybe if I would have seen a therapist a long time ago I could have gotten the fright medications and had a more productive life.
I have always had a hard time holding the same job for very long. I have been called lazy most of my life, but in joining these support groups I have found that it is not laziness, but rather mental health related and I am not alone. The longest I worked at one place was six years, and it was this independently owned gas station in Boulder, Colorado and there was only a handful of people that worked there. We were all like family and became very close, the owner and I were super close. She was quite a bit younger than me, but we got super close real quick. I in no time became the manager of the store and when she had her babies, she was able to stay home the whole six weeks because I was able to run the place and also make the bank runs.
I started seeing my new therapist yesterday, and I think I am going to like him a lot. He was very easy to talk to, and even though it was my first visit I feel it was very productive. I also found out yesterday that I was specifically matched up with this therapist because he specializes in bipolar, people with psychotic episodes and those that have had a lot of trauma's in their lives. So, I am hoping he will be able to help me hopefully more so than what my last few therapists have been able to.
I haven't always been very good at finding the positive when things seem to be going wrong, or maybe not the way I had hoped it would, some days I do really good and some days I might find myself really getting down about things and have no hope. Thank goodness though now I have learned it's ok to feel down about something as long as you can feel it and then let it go. Don't let it keep you there. I really have felt this recently as I am trying to get my disability, I keep getting turned down for housing, and I need it so badly. I keep asking God, why are you holding me back from housing? What do you have in store for me? Please help me because I cannot do another winter in this RV. On top of having emphysema there is black mold growing from all the leaks and the humidity that is here.
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