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  • Writer's picturemia jett

Mental Illness: Bipolar 1

Updated: Sep 14, 2023

How do I explain my struggles with bipolar 1 to someone that doesn't suffer from it? It's a living hell, a nightmare that I don't wish on anyone. It is full of so many highs and lows that I often I can't explain.

Bipolar comes with a lot of manic episodes that can last for days at a time. While experiencing mania, I have been accused of relapsing back into drugs just because I am more energetic and talkative than normal. During a manic episode people often take part in some risky behaviors. I myself would spend money that I shouldn't have spent when I lived in the city. Now my mania usually just makes me really talkative, or I start cleaning like really deep clean. That usually bites me though because I will drag a bunch of stuff out so that I can organize it and then my energy runs out and I am left with a mess. I get very frustrated when that happens because I love organization and I am a very good organizer. I get very upset when someone messes up my organization.

On the other side of bipolar, I have major depressive episodes. I don't feel like doing much of anything, I lay and worry about things that I really have no control over. I usually feel overwhelmed by something that is going on and when I feel overwhelmed my mind and body basically just shut down. I have a hard time concentrating on one single thing, I am very sad and often times don't really know why. I sometimes have outbursts that I end up being petty ashamed about, and other times I don't really remember what I did or said. If you think it's hard for you to understand mental illness, try living in my head.

woman on the couch struggling to understand

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